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We here at William & Money thought that the current registration system was a little bit too stressful. I mean waking up early in the morning to submit a schedule was just too difficult for our fragile little students ☹️ With our new super fantiastic zero-stress PATH system taking on a second registration cycle. We have seen the mind blowing methods of stress removal at work. For instance, one student I talked to explained that they had gotten only three credit hours!...

With the success of “The Smell of 1693,” we are pleased to announce a second initiative: “The Thirst of 1693.” By using $500,000 of student tuition money, we were able to fucking detonate a major water supply. Through this incredibly innovative method, we were able to provide the DuPont, Randolph, and Botetourt residents with a eye-opening experience of 1693, where running water was not commonplace. If students respond positively to this experience, we will consider switching running water in dorms over to a subscription-based service (as well as including it in the full access meal plan, which we will then raise by $500)....

For the year of 2024, we wanted to celebrate our founding with “The Smell of 1693.” Before this, we had simply shown what life was like in 1693, but with the help of a grant from the United States Environmental Protection Agency along with $750,000 derived from student tuition money, we have allowed students to experience another sense of 1693 (literally). By simply flooding a major body of water on campus with raw sewage, we can truly appreciate how far we have come as a society through our innovations in waste water treatment....

After very careful consideration, we have decided that we want more money. We have used the latest and greatest AI models to solve this extremely complex problem. Instead of providing a better service as a whole, or even partially, such as increasing the locations that students can use their dining dollars, we should remove benefits previously provided. Now we know that a lot of students will be confused by this....